be afraid

There it is on page. Be afraid, fearful of anything and everything . Been avoiding this one for days as if doing so would make it go away but realised only way to stop it stalking me is to turn and face it . Afraid, fearful, of anything and everything. Once started solution appears today a return to a support found and put aside time to dust off copy ( or download those of you who have moved on from comfort of paper) of Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway .

Im not going to write at length or try to process inner turmoil through drafting and redrafting . Today’s post could be long with someone else’s words a taster to encourage but didn’t work so here just one thought

If something is troubling you, simply start from where you are and take the action necessary to change it.

Here the link

http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/detailtemplate.cfm?catID=2234

Trust in yourself

Have a good day

57day

 

 

choose

Choose to be content , choose how I see the world, choose to be free. Get it ? Take responsibility for the choices I make . Recognise only I can flick the switch from sad to happy, angry to calm, off to on. Not helpless as a result but powerful as it means it’s in my gift. No need to be saved.  That said google came to the rescue of this damsel in distress today. Plenty of sites offering playlists to suit your mood and from there it was YouTube via james brown  to perfect choice

I want to break free

Have a great day

56day

heal

1 a : to make sound or whole <heal a wound> b : to restore to health 2 a : to cause (an undesirable condition) to be overcome : mend <the troubles … had not been forgotten, but they had been healed — William Power> b : to patch up (a breach or division) <heal a breach between friends> 3 : to restore to original purity or integrity <healed of sin>

Simple, just need to return to a sound state.  The quest undertaken but so far feel go forward only to find myself back where I started. Why? Perhaps there is something about accepting it is possible to be whole where I now am. That I am not broken merely given now a chance to see life from a different point of view. Maybe it is my relationships that need to be healed, or my inner war to end.

A little too introspective today for comfort, google failing to provide usual distraction.  Perhaps have touched a tender spot and need to return another day. Be well

Have a good day

55day

listen

Today was to be love but what does that mean. Instead sitting here listening to the  silence except it’s not. A form of meditation to focus on the hum of fridge, bird song, creaks,tapping of the keys . Sound unheard when tv on to drowns out internal dialogue to avoid at all cost room to listen. Surprisingly today silence feels restful respite for a moment from chatter in head .

Nostalgic music choice, past youth evoked, listen without the words it feels right for today. Close your eyes and take a moment. For me priceless moment this morning listening  to my son, his hopes ,plans and reflections. Perfect start to day , smell the coffee ,nah listen to those you love.

Have a nice day

54day

compromise

A word I associate with failure .

The expedient acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable , to weaken or harm by doing so – to compromise your autoimmune system is not desirable , to compromise on safety may put self and others at risk .

But, this journey is all about looking beyond current blinkered view, to challenge automatic thoughts along well travelled grooves.

Compromise is also

An intermediate state between conflicting alternatives reached by mutual concession:

Now this could take you to a position that neither party wants and leaves harbouring resentment or could be perfect blend better than either party had imagined. I want red you want blue is purple perfect or a pain? Something tells me as clock ticks and words run out , the more you see relationships as supportive and not as battles to win control the possibilities for healthy creativity will emerge. Enough mock zen philosophy for day.

muzak fitted mood though not message no matter

Have a good day

53day

recover

Yesterday while googling found Celebrate Recovery a surprising top hit when I was expecting partys. Should have known even when being frivolous personal growth would be lurking round corner ready to leap out and surprise.

http://www.celebraterecovery.co.uk/

i headed from here to the original 12 step programme for tackling addiction. Seems worth putting into toolkit .

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/About-AA/The-12-Steps-of-AA

And for the atheists

http://aaagnostica.org/2012/08/12/an-atheists-guide-to-12-step-recovery/

and ..

Prefer muzak to links but today is what it is. Merit perhaps in applying the steps to tame my own anxiety devils. Go forth with faith today. Hmm a little preachy even for new improved me.

Have a good day

51day